learning basics in the University?

I was happy to read the enormous success that Tal Ben-Shahar achieved in 2006. You can read more about it here: The most popular course at Harvard this semester teaches happiness

I think that the idea of teaching hapiness is interesting and I was wondering, if it is possible and demonstrated, as it is, that hapiness rarely depends on external stimuli, how is it that we don't get such education early in life?

Here Ben-Shahar's 6 tips to reach Happiness, they seem basic, easy, but do we really consider them?

1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions — such as fear, sadness, or anxiety — as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?
4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do — or don't do — with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.

ideas worth spreading

Today I bring a suggestion for your favourites. TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is a private nonprofit foundation devoted to what it calls "ideas worth spreading", widely known because its conferences and Talks of a various number of subjects.

I truly encourage curious to have a look at it, especially for those who look for inspiration

And I want to share today one of the latest videos (November 2009, India) with Sendhil Mullainathan, a must.

And I leave you with R. Buckminister Fuller quote: You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete (Thanks Art)

Validation

This is a video about aknowledging, about seeing people (truly SEEING people), and it is amazing how people is shocked by it.



Question is: do we really SEE the people around? Do we aknowledge them? Are we aware of the incredible value in it of doing so?

Languages of love

Today I pick up an idea that I found really interesting about love. The author of this book, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a love language, a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive. We all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

The Five Love Languages has helped countless couples identify practical and powerful ways to express love, simply by using the appropriate love language. Many husbands and wives who had spent years struggling through marriages they thought were loveless, discovered one or both spouses had long been showing love through messages that werenít getting through. By recognizing their different love languages, they witnessed the rebirth of the love they thought had been gone for good.

Words of Affirmation
Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, I love you, are important, hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, I love you, like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on stand by makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful

Receiving Gifts
Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous so would the absence of everyday gestures

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an Acts of Service person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: Let me do that for you. Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter

Physical Touch
This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face, they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive

Which is your love language? Do you see the gap when expressing love?

Saint Valentine

I don't believe in Saint Valentine, but still today, like any other day, is a great opportunity to say to those we love that we do

I picked up two scenes I love from cinema and TV

Seen in Brothers and Sisters, Kevin and Scotty



And the second one with this beautiful poem, was taken from Four Weddings and a Funeral and was seen here

W.H. AUDEN

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

And the question is: what makes it so difficult to express love?

Invictus

It may be obvious to speak about Mandela now, but I am moved, and it really worths sharing.


And I love when he says:

How do we inspire ourselves to greatness when nothing less will do? How do we inspire those around us?”



INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menac of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

This video is a classic. It inspirational and I love to see it again and again

Carpe Diem

Do not let the day end without having grown a bit,
without having been happy, without having increased your dreams.
Do not be overcome by discouragement.
Do not let anyone take away the right to express yourself,
that is a must.
Do not abandon the urge to make your life extraordinary.
Do not stop believing that words and poetry
they can change the world.
Whatever happens, our essence remains intact.
We are human beings full of passion. 

Life is desert and oasis, 

brings us down, hurts,
teaches us,
makes us the main characters
of our own history.
Even though the wind blows against,
the powerful play goes on:
You can contribute a verse.
Never give up dreaming,
because dreams free men.
Do not fall into the worst mistake:
silence.
Most live in a dreadful silence.
Do not resign.
Flee.
"I scream on the roofs of this world"
says the poet.
Value the beauty of simple things.
You can make beautiful poetry about little things,
but we can not row against ourselves.
That makes life a living hell. 

Enjoy the panic that provokes you
have the life ahead.
Live it intensely,
without mediocrity.
Think that you are the future
and face the task with pride and without fear.
Learn from those who can teach you.
The experiences of those before us
of our "dead poets"
help us walk through life
Today's society are: 

the "living poets."
Do not let life happen without living it...

6 Human Needs

Tony Robbins is an American self-help author and motivational speaker and I was recently told about his theory on the 6 Human Needs (an evolution of Maslow's pyramid) He believes everyone is - or can be - motivated by their desire to fulfill these needs.

1. Certainty/Comfort. We all want comfort. And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value.

2. Variety. At the same time we want certainty, we also crave variety. Paradoxically, there needs to be enough UNcertainty to provide spice and adventure in our lives.

3. Significance. Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance. I can imagine no worse a death than to think my life didn't matter.

4. Connection/Love. It would be hard to argue against the need for love. We want to feel part of a community. We want to be cared for and cared about.

5. Growth. There could be some people who say they don't want to grow, but I think they're simply fearful of doing so—or perhaps NOT doing so. To become better, to improve our skills, to stretch and excel may be more evident in some than others, but it's there.

6. Contribution. The desire to contribute something of value—to help others, to make the world a better place than we found it is in all of us.

Evaluate this list to better understand your personal motivations and examine which ones seem the most significant to you. Then, look at what you do to fulfill the needs of others. It will likely make a difference in what and how you do what you do. It also should make a difference in the way you describe and explain what you can do.

The emotions and how to take advantage of them

1. Anger / rage

Its function is to give you enough energy to do vigorous action to help you overcome obstacles and difficulties. 
 If you are someone who gets angry very often it means that you perceive your surroundings filled with impediments, obstacles, annoyances and obstructions. Recommendation: The obstacles are not a nuisance: they help to master here. Learn how to take adversity like your teacher or refine your leadership skills if you see people as obstacles to get what you want or do not perform under the standards you want. 
 


2. Fear / Insecurity

Prepares you to face a threat. There are real threats: if you warn that your office is on fire, this emotion will prepare you to flee. 
 But when the environment is disproportionate, it means you see yourself below meet the challenges or problems. Or that the consequences of a decision you make beyond your perceived ability that they can be handled properly. And the effect of inhibiting you, or worse, falling paralyzes you into inaction. Recommendation: work with your self-esteem. Strengthen your self-concept or image. Focus on your talents, not your flaws. Results: Projects strong leadership, powerful, proactive.

3. Sadness / depression

This emotion helps you prepare to assume a significant loss or frustrated expectations. When prolonged, it means you live under constant job dissatisfaction (or personal). Recommendation: Dry your tears, releasing the pain this caused you, otherwise you will begin to perceive the world full of bitterness and you will be paralyzed, making the problem worse. Begin to begin, but using a different formula. Don't ever do the same because you get the same results. If you have trouble this step, ask for help. Results: reflect an optimistic and creative leadership.

4. Concern:

Can concentrate all your skills and creativity in solving a challenge or problem. If you are worried constantly, it means that you receive too many situations or challenges such as work or personal circumstances over which you have no influence or control, so most likely you're under constant stress or anxiety. Recommendation: faced with a challenge or problem, take some time to think about its possible causes and solutions. Define your strategy and undertake good roads required that you dictate your experience and common sense. 
 Focus on the implementation of actions decided. Although it seems contradictory, I recommend that you psychologically free yourself of the outcome you expect. Results: exercised leadership serene, freer and more creative. 
 


5. Apathy / lack of motivation / laziness

These emotions have the function to let you know that you're offline, you perform tasks that have no real meaning for you or that the road will no longer have. They can also indicate that the target to achieve're watching or too far or that requires you plenty of time to get it. 
 Recommendation: Learn to identify personal gains in everything you undertake. It does not mean you become a stakeholder. Simply learn to look for personal reasons that will generate the enthusiasm you need to perform your tasks. If the goal or end result to make it look very far or very hard to get, get goals achievable in the short term the sum of which take you to the end result you want. Result: Your leadership will be more energetic and enthusiastic. You'll be more motivated by achieving results in the short term though they are small. Project your momentum to your team and begin to influence them in subtle ways, by example rather than words.

6. Shame.

Its function is to point out to a behavior has been morally unacceptable. This is healthy because it helps to put limits on your behavior and avoid taking what does not correspond or what you have not won. 
 However, there is a "psychological embarrassment," which is not justified.Recommendation: work to strengthen your self-esteem, acceptance of yourself and expand your sense of entitlement. Results: exercised strong leadership will be more visible and you're ready to take on challenges with more confidence in yourself. This will make you stand out and attract more opportunities to succeed. 
 He who perseveres reaches. If you need help to solve any of these situations, ask for it.

Use your emotional intelligence and expand your horizons!

who are we? and who I am?

The day we first asked ourselves this question is a very important day, the beginning of a trip. 

The say that a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. 

Which are my fears, or what is more, where is my ignorance and inconsciousness? 

The day I realized I wanted to stop losing myself into the outside world, trying, nonsense things to fill in the emptyness I gave my first step. 

I choose not to fill what is missing but to learn to accept it.
And I dare to do that facing myself and my thougths. 

Who I am? I am charm and smiles. I get easily bored, and I have trouble getting habits fixed. I am a fighter. I am not afraid of looking inside and I do invite you to do so. Who are you?

and some tips

And before moving on, some tips I am definitely thinking of

Commit to 21 days – It is all the time you need to make a habit automatic. If you can make it through the initial conditioning phase, it becomes much easier to sustain.

Write it Down – A piece of paper with a resolution on it isn’t that important. Writing that resolution is. Writing makes your ideas more clear and focuses you on your end result.

Make it Daily – Consistency is critical if you want to make a habit stick. If you want to start exercising, go to the gym every day for your first thirty days. Going a couple times a week will make it harder to form the habit. Activities you do once every few days are trickier to lock in as habit

Start Simple – Don’t try to completely change your life in one day. It is easy to get over-motivated and take on too much.

Remind Yourself – Around two weeks into your commitment it can be easy to forget. Place reminders to execute your habit each day or you might miss a few days.

Stay Consistent – The more consistent your habit the easier it will be to stick. If you want to start exercising, try going at the same time, to the same place for your thirty days.

Get a Buddy – Find someone who will go along with you and keep you motivated if you feel like quitting.

Be Imperfect – Don’t expect all your attempts to change habits to be successful immediately.Try your best, but expect a few bumps along the way

Run it as an Experiment - Withhold judgment until after a month has past and use it as an experiment in behavior. Experiments can’t fail, they just have different results so it will give you a different perspective on changing your habit.

Do it For Yourself - Don’t worry about all the things you “should” have as habits. Instead tool your habits towards your goals and the things that motivate you. Weak guilt and empty resolutions aren’t enough

so... who are you going to commit to?

Begin to begin

Today I am starting a habit: I want to speed up with my commitment to this blog. I read these quotes and I realized that's what I want, and I am ready to create a positive habit!

Psychologists have concluded that it takes 21 days of conscious action to form a desired habit. However, if you miss one day, you will have to begin all over again and go 21 more days before your new habit is formed

Jim Davidson, author of How To Plan Your Life

The chain of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.

Warren Buffett, Chairman, Berkshire Hathaway, Inc.

What positive habits would you like to have in your life?

Lost Generation

I just loved it, thanks Priya for this, hope you all enjoy it

stop trying and start loving

let's start from the beginning: the love

(Borja's Vilaseca article from El Pais Semanal, the 18th January 2009)

All human beings want to be loved. But how many really love? True love acts as an alchemist: turns ambition into altruism and transforms suffering into happiness.

January is the month of purposes: learn a new language, quit smoking, lose weight ... Nevertheless, a new order is emerging in the heart of most human beings. It is a promise far less concrete and more intangible. Unlike others, it is rarely mentioned, it is a peaceful and silent practice. It is the largest commitment we make to ourselves, and to honor it you don't require advice or studies. It is above any other goal. Right now, at least one person has just proposed himself to learn to love.

LOVE IS THE WAY
"When the wise points to the moon, the fool looks at the finger" (Chinese proverb)

That we have come to this world to learn to love is a timeless truth. It was discovered before the start of the history of philosophy. Zoroaster (630-550 BC), Mahavira (599-527 BC), Lao Tzu (570-490 BC), Buddha (560-480 BC), Confucius (551-479 BC) Socrates (470-399 BC), Jesus Christ (1-33) ... All the great sages of humanity, whose teachings gave rise to religious institutions that we know today, essentially said the same thing: "Loving others is the path to human beings to happiness".

Although many others have continued to preach by example of the transformative power of love over the years, decades and centuries, the vast majority of human beings still do not know to love. This kind of learning that does not enter into our familiar, social, cultural, religious, political or economical conditioning process.

As students, we are told to memorize the unimaginable. Then we get ready to be productive professionals. But they forget the basics. That's how we enter the world without knowing to manage our emotional life. And while success is not the basis of happiness, happiness really is at the foundation of any success. Quite the opposite, since we are children, we are lead to believe that the world is full of wicked people. That we should not trust strangers. The important thing is to deal with oneself and get along. Thus, fear, frustration and resentment are passed from generation to generation, creating a culture based on distrust, resignation and dissatisfaction.

BEYOND THE CONDITIONING
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" (Jiddu Krishnamurti)

The perversion of human nature has come to the point that throughout this process of conditioning also we hear that goodness is synonymous of stupidity, because one always ends regreating his good actions. And that loving yourself is a selfish behavior, characteristic of a narcissist. Hence the talk about love of neighbor sound ridiculous.

True or not, all these beliefs shape our perception of the world and influence the way we interact with others and with ourselves. This is not to apportion blame, but responsibility for our process of change and growth. What is at stake is our freedom to decide who we can be. And here there are no teachers, only mirrors where we can see ourselves reflected. Ultimately, stop existing as caterpillars and start living as butterflies is a transformation that only depends on each one.

The challenge is to question our beliefs, even though it goes to the core of our identity. Hence, this learning arises as a personal initiative, a long-term commitment in which the conquest of true love becomes the way and the goal. And it is not a fad. Self-knowledge and personal development processes are increasingly accepted by society. With so much offer and being a matter so intimate and delicate, their usefulness depends on how well we know to choose.

THE ENEMY OF LOVE "Love is the absence of selfishness" (Erich Fromm)

According to the laws of evolution, everything starts with knowledge (accurate information). Then comes the realization (personal experience). Only then we can accept (fail to react negatively to what happens) in order to finally love (give the best of us at any time). Along the way we defeat our greatest enemy-ourselves (our emotional survival mechanism, known as ego). To do this we have to be sincere (not delude), humble (recognizing our mistakes), bold (dare to correct them) and persevering (engagement in our learning process).

The fear (to be hurt), the attachment (to lose what we have) and the anger (of not getting what we want) are waiting just around the corner. Further afield lies our ignorance (ignorance of our true nature), the ultimate cause of our selfishness (unnatural tendency to corrupt the attitude of human beings), which is precisely what prevents us from loving, that is our essence.

The same way, we don't need to do anything to see, we don't need anything to love. Both sight and love are seen as natural and inherent attributes of the human condition. Our conscious effort should focus on eliminating all obstructions that cloud and distort our thinking, feeling and being, including stress, negativity, victimhood, hatred, suspicion, vanity, envy, arrogance, concern , intolerance, cowardice, greed, sloth, pride, impatience, guilt, sadness ...

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRYING TO LOVE AND LOVE
"Love is the only thing that grows when shared" (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

All the vices of the mind are the result of an egocentric way of interpreting reality, an impulsive and unconscious attitude that prevents us from accepting what happens as it comes and the others as they are. This is the real cause of all our suffering, it also locks us into a dangerous trap. To be able to love, first we need to hold love in our hearts.

In this case, the problem is itself the solution. And the first thing to know is what LOVE is. Not the love we are used to, but the true LOVE. It is one thing to love, and quite another to truly LOVE. Trying to love is selfish, it's something we want, a means to an end. LOVE, by contrast, is an altruistic act, it is about giving, being an end in itself. We love when we feel a shortage. We LOVE when we experience fullness. While love is an unconscious attitude, related to what is beyond our reach, LOVE arises from a conscious effort, which makes us focus on what truly depends on us.

When you LOVE, you don't blame or judge, or criticize, or regret. The lovers try to leave a residue of joy, peace and good humor in every interaction with others, however brief it may be. LOVE is also to accept and support the most conflictive, because they are precisely those most needed. Really LOVE is synonymous with great wisdom, since it involves understanding that there is no evil, only ignorance and unconsciousness. The paradox is that LOVE primarily benefits those who love, not the beloved. Thus, LOVE heals and revitalizes the mind and heart of someone who generates it. And that's the reason why we receive so much when we give it.